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by Lisa Thornton |
Combing through my memories in the manner of
that girl’s mother dragging the tool through my matted locks after
her daughter plunked her chewed gum on the back of my head while I was over at her house playing, slowly pulling the teeth through the peanut butter she’d slathered on
to loosen the sticky pink wad,
I look for the root of why it is this way now,
the clues to when it all started, how things got to this,
through thousands of individual strands of memory,
patiently, straddling a kitchen chair, working it out.
The moves from one house to the next,
the hushed conversations behind closed doors,
the sighs and pictures that look different now that I’m an adult.
From this new vantage point
spying details I never noticed-
a hint from slouched shoulders,
a faraway look,
the absence of peace recognizable to another woman’s eye.
Rubbing the strings between my fingers gently
so as not to break them
while I separate the scenes;
the girl standing in the corner,
eyes red.
Why did you do this, her mother scolded
before turning to me, to spend the rest of the afternoon
correcting me, making me the way I had been when I arrived before
sending me back.
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